When School Feels Difficult

There may be times when school feels difficult for a young person. This can be linked to worry or anxiety, friendships, learning pressures, changes at home or other challenges that can make attending school feel overwhelming.  

When this begins to affect attendance, it is important that home and school work together as early as possible. Our first priority is to understand what is making school difficult for your child and what support may help. 

At Denbigh School, we will work with you and your child to: 

• Understand what is behind the difficulty. 

• Identify any barriers that may be affecting attendance. 

• Put appropriate and supportive steps in place. 

• Build your child’s confidence gradually. 

• Support them towards regular attendance in a calm and sustainable way.  

We recognise that every child’s circumstances are different. Support will therefore be based on your child’s individual needs, with the aim of helping them feel safe, supported and increasingly confident in attending school. 

If you notice that your child is beginning to find school or attending school difficult, we encourage you to contact us as early as possible.  

How can we help

If your child is finding school difficult, our first step is to listen and understand what is happening. We will work with you, your child and the staff who know them well to identify what feels difficult, when difficulties occur and what may help.  

Together, we can agree a supportive plan based on your child’s individual needs. This may include: 

• A trusted adult they can check in with. 

• Support with a calm and consistent arrival into school. 

• Small, temporary adjustments where appropriate. 

• A gradual plan to build attendance and confidence. 

• Regular check-ins to recognise what is improving and identify anything that is still difficult. 

Support is not a one-size-fits-all approach. We will review and adapt the plan as your child makes progress, working closely with you throughout.  

The aim is to address the barriers making school difficult while helping your child develop the confidence to engage with school successfully and return to regular attendance.

What You Can Do at Home

When a child is finding school difficult, the way home and school respond together can make an important difference. At home, the aim is to acknowledge that things feel difficult while maintaining a calm and consistent expectation around attending school.  

Some things that can help include: 

• Keep bedtimes and morning routines consistent and predictable. 

• Prepare uniform, bags and anything needed for school the night before. 

• Listen to and acknowledge how your child is feeling, while continuing to encourage attendance. 

• Keep conversations short, calm and supportive, rather than getting into lengthy negotiations about staying at home. 

• Focus on small successes – getting dressed, leaving the house, arriving at the school gate or attending part of the day can all be important steps forward. 

• Recognise your child’s effort and progress, even when the steps seem small. 

• Practise simple calming strategies together, particularly when your child is already calm rather than only during moments of distress.  

Try to keep time at home during school hours calm and neutral, rather than allowing staying at home to become more enjoyable than attending school.  

Most importantly, keep communicating with us. If something is making attendance difficult, sharing this with school helps us understand what your child is experiencing and allows us to work together on a consistent approach. 

Taking Small Steps Back into School

For some young people, returning to regular attendance may feel overwhelming. In these situations, trying to move from not attending to a full school day immediately may feel like too big a step. 

Instead, we may work with your child and family to create a small-steps plan, sometimes described as a confidence ladder. The aim is to break the return to school into manageable steps that gradually build confidence.  

Depending on your child’s individual circumstances, steps might include: 

• Arriving at the school site. 

• Entering the school building and meeting a trusted adult. 

• Attending one lesson. 

• Staying until break or lunchtime. 

• Attending for part of the school day. 

• Building towards a full day and regular attendance. 

The steps will not look the same for every student. We will work together to identify what feels achievable, review progress and gradually move forward when your child is ready. 

It is important to recognise and celebrate each success along the way. Small steps are still progress, and gradually experiencing success can help your child rebuild their confidence in attending school.  

Our Parent Toolkit and Student Calm Pack, available in the Further Guidance and Resources section below, include practical confidence-ladder activities that families and students can use alongside support from school. 

Support Available in School

If your child is finding school difficult, there are a number of people within Denbigh who can provide support. The right support will depend on your child’s individual circumstances and what may be affecting their attendance. 

Your child may receive support from: 

• Their Form Tutor 

• Head of Year 

• The Pastoral Team 

• The Attendance Team 

• The SEN Department, where appropriate  

Support may include regular check-ins with a trusted adult, help with arriving at school, pastoral support during the school day, identifying and addressing specific barriers, or working with your child on a gradual plan to build their confidence and attendance. 

Where additional support may be beneficial, we can also help families understand what external services are available and which may be most appropriate for their child.  

Family Liaison Support

For some families, difficulties with attendance may be connected to wider challenges at home, emotional wellbeing, additional needs or other circumstances affecting a young person’s ability to attend school regularly. 

Our Family Liaison Officer can work more closely with students and families where additional support is needed. This may include: 

• Building a supportive relationship with the student and their family to understand any barriers affecting attendance. 

• Providing practical support and helping families access appropriate school or external services. 

• Supporting families where an Early Help Assessment may be beneficial and helping to coordinate support with other professionals. 

• Carrying out home visits and welfare checks where a student is not attending school. 

• Maintaining contact with families and students who are accessing alternative provision, helping to ensure they remain safe, engaged and receiving appropriate education. 

The Family Liaison Officer works closely with our Attendance, Pastoral, Head of Years and SEN teams, as well as external professionals where appropriate, so that families receive joined-up support. 

If we feel your family may benefit from this additional support, we will discuss this with you and work together to agree the most appropriate next steps.

Further Guidance and Resources

We have created a range of resources to help parents, carers and students when school or attendance feels difficult. These can be used alongside the support provided by school and contain practical strategies and activities that families can work through at home. 

Supporting Your Child When School is Difficult – Parent Information Booklet 
This booklet provides an overview of how Denbigh works with families, practical approaches that can help at school and at home, support available and answers to common questions.  

Supporting Your Child When School is Difficult – Parent Toolkit 
A practical resource to work through with your child, including activities to understand anxiety, recognise how anxiety can feel in the body, develop a small-steps plan and practise calming strategies together.  

Student Calm Pack – My Calm and Confidence Pack 
A resource designed for students to complete, helping them explore how school feels, recognise anxiety, identify what helps them feel calmer and create their own small-steps school ladder. 

If you are unsure who to speak to, please contact your child’s Head of Year or the Attendance Team. We can listen to your concerns and help identify the most appropriate next steps.